The last month has been a crazy whirlwind of change. Dealing with the loss of my grandmother was hard, harder than almost anything I’ve gone through up to this point.

To put things in perspective during the worst of the that struggle at the end of July I didn’t want to keep going. I was tired of the pain, and I was below rock bottom.

I am grateful for my mom who was there for me to hold my hand and keep my head above the water, even though I know it was probably the most difficult for her to watch.

There have been some really wonderful things that have happened in August. Some wonderful opportunities at work. To meeting someone new who completely turned my world around. And in reflecting on those changes last night I realized how glad I am that despite the pain I was going through I did not give up. I persevered and though life doesn’t always immediately reward that perseverance, I am glad that in this case it did.

Talking about suicide isn’t a comfortable conversation for anyone. I am grateful that the people I have surrounded myself with have been supportive and love me regardless. I realize that for so many people that kind of support doesn’t exist for them.

It’s not always possible to get through the rough patches in a day, a week or even a month. When you get so low you can’t see the sky any longer you still have to find a way to look up. Sometimes it’s the ones that are close to us that can help in that situation. Other times we have to rely on ourselves to try and see the light.

This isn’t always easy to talk about. Some days the words come easier, and other times it’s much harder to put down. Last night I found myself feeling lucky and proud of myself for sticking around to see the good days that were just around the corner. When I might have missed out on them altogether. In the moment it didn’t seem like anything good was headed my way. Yet here I am and I am grateful to still be here.

I know how it feels to be at the very bottom now, to a place I never want to be again. I also know how it feels to be over the moon, which is where I currently reside. Little things everyday make me smile and I have a new appreciation for life. There will still be plenty of bad days, probably more than I can count. However I know I have a circle of those I can rely on and am grateful for them each and every day.

Have a good week.